


ay mi familia (last night it seemed that I dreamed about you)

by aletterinthenameofsanity



Series: almost like praying [3]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Adopted Children, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Supernatural Elements, Alternative Universe - FBI, Asexual Character, Bisexual Female Character, Blood, Coming of Age, F/M, Father-Daughter Relationship, Growing Up, Implied/Referenced Character Death, LGBTQ Jewish Character(s), Latino Character, M/M, POV Jewish Character, Shooting, Step-parents
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-06
Updated: 2018-02-12
Packaged: 2019-03-13 23:22:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 13,469
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13581108
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aletterinthenameofsanity/pseuds/aletterinthenameofsanity
Summary: A couple of years before Finn and Poe met, Poe had a daughter. Only, he never found out about her until after they were married, when twelve-year-old Bee shows up on their doorstep.When Poe disappears a year later, Finn and Bee have to learn to live together without Poe.





	1. she hid around corners and she hid under beds

**Author's Note:**

> Title is from "Proud Corazon" from Coco and chapter titles are from "Dog Days Are Over" by Florence + the Machine.
> 
> (AU of "he is gone (but he used to be mine)." No reading it necessary, but it will make things more easily understandable.)

At first, it doesn't seem real.

\---

_(It’s about six months after the wedding. Poe and Finn have just returned home from the grocery store. Finn is actually placing the last item- a carton of orange juice- in the fridge when someone knocks on their door._

_“I’ll get it!” Poe calls, and then jogs for the door._

_A vaguely familiar looking girl, about eleven years of age, blinks purple shifter eyes at him. A brown leather jacket drapes over her shoulders._

_"Momma always said I should only try to find you in an emergency, but she's gone now so I don't think it matters."_

_Poe crouches down next to the girl, trying to process what’s happening. "Who's your momma, little one?"_

_"Savannah Walker," the little girl says, and Poe's face goes pale. Finn frowns. He remembers Poe mentioning Savannah as his last long term relationship before the BAU, which was... approximately nine years ago. Oh shit._

_"Uh, little one?" Finn asks, "What's your name?"_

_"My name's Bee Shara Walker," she says. "And I'm eleven and a half years old." She looks proud, as if this is some major accomplishment._

_Poe's still frozen, as if in shock, and Finn knows that at the moment he's the only one working in his right mind. "Well, then, Bee," Finn says, "Why don't you come in?"_

_The little girl grins. "Thank you, mister." And she ducks into the hallway behind Poe._

_"Poe," Finn says when he can't hear Bee anymore, "This is going to take awhile to figure this out-"_

_When Poe speaks, his voice is hoarse. "I have a daughter."_

_"Yeah," Finn says, "It does look like that." After a brief moment of silence, he ventures: "She has your eyes and nose."_

_"We just got married," Poe says, still quiet. "I wasn't expecting anything to happen this quickly, especially a_ child _." He gives a small laugh. "Celibate for six and a half years, Finn. I never expected anything like this to happen."_

_“Trust me,” Finn says with a wry smile. “Neither did I.” There’s a bit of an awkward pause until he sighs and says, “But we’re obviously going to do our best to take care of her. That little girl in there has no mother. She now has a father who she's never met before-”_

_"She has two." Finn looks at Poe, eyebrow raised. "Fathers, that is."_

_Finn's eyes go wide. "I have no experience with kids. I'm not sure I'm someone you want in prolonged contact with your child, especially as she's getting to know you-"_

_"Finn," Poe says, standing up. "You forget I have no experience either. You probably have more, actually- you babysit for Rey often enough." He places a hand on Finn's arm. "And besides, even if you had no experience you're my_ husband _. If that girl is my daughter- and there's a very large chance that she is- then you're going to be just as important to her as I am."_

_Finn smiles. "You sure about this?"_

_"Oh fuck no," Poe says, and glances back into the hallway. Finn nearly laughs at Poe already being concerned about Bee and what she hears him saying. “A kid? A_ daughter _? Have you_ met _me?”_

_“Fortunately, yes,” Finn says.)_

\---

If a butterfly flaps its wings, a ripple of change is unleashed. One girl- one wing flap- can change everything.

\---

Two weeks after Bee’s _bat mitzvah_ (courtesy of Finn's synagogue, _Or Ami_ ), the two of them arrive home from the grocery store to find the apartment quiet, neither the radio nor the tv on.

“Hm,” Finn says, “Why don’t you start unpacking the groceries while I go wake your Pa up to help us out?”

Bee grins. “Sounds good to me.”

Finn enters the bedroom, bag with the dandruff shampoo (he's been having a bit of an issue lately) and deodorant (Poe ran out) in hand. The light is off, a bit strange, but Finn is used to “a bit strange" things happening in his life. He flips on the light, saying, “Honey, we're home,” and drops the bag when he sees what's happened to his room.

There is blood everywhere.

\---

“Unit Chief Leia Organa speaking. How can I help you?”

“Leia, it's Finn. Poe's missing and there's blood everywhere. Can you get a forensics team and a blood-typer in here?”

 _Shuffling_. “I'll be there myself.”

“Thanks.”

“Anything for the Dameron-Skywalkeres.”

\---

The media comments are about the same, though this time around they are accompanied by _vagrant father_.

Finn turns off the news before Bee wakes up. He's seen enough. He knows he won't get any help from the media.

He’ll either find Poe on his own- unlikely, as he has to take care of Bee- or he has to let the team handle it.

(He doesn’t like his chances.)

\---

( _Poe takes to fatherhood like a duck to water. He loves Bee as fiercely as if she’d been here the whole time, wraps her in bear hugs and always tries to make her smile._

_(Finn knows that Poe has always wanted kids, and begrudges him none of the time he spends with Bee. Even if it cuts into their time together, Bee deserves as much time with her father, if not more than, as Finn deserves with his husband.)_

_(This is what Finn could never give Poe on his own: a child to play with, to teach sports to and love and to raise as his own. Finn could not be more grateful to have Bee in their lives.)_

_Bee has no interest in sports, but Poe doesn’t care. He does everything she enjoys, whether that be stopping at the library and checking out the newest_ All The Souls Between Us _novel or going to the planetarium. For the first few months, it’s nothing but whatever Bee wants, eventually tapering off a bit as she gets settled into the house better._

_Rey, Jessika, and the rest of the team adopt Bee quickly. Within a few months it’s “Aunt Rey” this and “Aunt Jessika” that. She has the team wrapped around her little finger, just like she has her father._

_Finn loves this little girl who has brought such joy to his husband’s life and, by proxy, his own.)_

\---

The first few months are fragile. A year and half seemed enough time to get them close before Poe disappeared. It had felt like they were getting so near to being a proper family, to falling into established habits and comfortable conversation.

Now, though, there is a chasm. A hole between them, _in_ them, where Poe used to be. His husband, her father. Their connection, severed.

Family dinners are awkward without Poe there to crack jokes and draw them in with his effervescent energy. Neither of them know how to brave the gap.

\---

Finn tries to put on a brave face. He smiles at her at dinner, laughs along to jokes, pretends to be happy.

But during the night, Bee hears what she thinks are anxiety attacks. She hears tears from down the hallway, gasps of breath that mirror her own nightmares.

And she doesn’t know what to do.

\---

It comes to a head at the end of the second month.

Bee can't fall asleep (she never can), and she’s tired of just staying up and reading until eventually her eyelids droop down out of sheer exhaustion.

She gets out of bed and pads down the hallway, then knocks on Finn's door. “Finn?” she calls out quietly, just in case he's asleep, but a few moments later she hears footsteps and the door swings open.

“Yes, Bee?” He asks, groggy voice a parody of happiness, but she sees the tears in his eyes.

She swallows. Everything is just so tense between them. Why is it like this? Where did things go so awkward?

She stares down at her hands as she speaks. “Pa is gone and I've been having nightmares. I was wondering if, um, I could sleep with you tonight?”

Finn's eyes go wide, but he swallows. He seems to feel just as awkward as she does, which is kind of a relief. “Of course, Bee.” He opens the door. “Um, you want to take your dad's side of the bed?”

She nods stiffly and they head over to the bed. He peels back the sheets to let her climb in, then follows and pulls the sheets back over them.

 

There's a few minutes of silence before Bee speaks up. “Um, Finn?”

“Yes, Bee?”

“Would you, uh, mind if I cuddled with you?”

“Not at all,” he says, stuttering past his surprise.

She curls up against him, and he wraps her in a hug. A few moments later, he feels something wet spread against his chest and realizes that she's crying.

His heart breaks. He's been trying to be strong, to not let her see him sobbing over Poe, but he's never considered that she might need to know that he's hurting too.

They’re all each other has left. His husband is gone, one parent dead and the other in a mental hospital, and both her parents are gone. This is the extent of their family in this world.

He holds her close and hopes that things will get better tomorrow.

\---

The next morning, Bee wakes up alone in an unfamiliar bed. She swallows. It takes her a moment to figure out where she is, and then- _Of course._ One night didn’t change anything.

“Finn?” she calls out.

“Just a minute!” Finn calls out from inside of the- closet? He’s in the _closet_? There are a lot of jokes that Bee could probably make about that, but before she gets the chance to even think of one Finn exits, something in his arms. “I was looking for this,” he says, an expression of childlike pride on his face. He holds up a folded pile of shiny orange fabric that, after a moment, Bee recognizes as her father’s favorite leather jacket.

“I think you should have this until he returns,” Finn says, and she can’t speak. “It’s been proven that sleeping with a comfort object can lessen nightmares, and ‘sides, he _is_ your Pa. Perhaps the reminder can help you sleep better.”

She cuts him off by climbing off the bed and wrapping him in a strong hug. “Thank you, thank you so much!” she cries into his shoulder, and he wraps his arms around her shoulders.

“No problem,” he says, voice surprised but- at least she thinks so- happy.

\---

They struggle through four more months of uncertainty before the monster rears its ugly head.

\---

“We can't let Bee see this,” Finn says as he rises from puking on the ground. “She's thirteen. She doesn’t need to see corpses, especially if they might be her father’s.”

“He’s your husband, Finn,” Rey says, voice anguished, but Finn just brushes it off.

"And she’s a kid. She’s the number one priority. She already lost her mom- she doesn’t have to see her- oh, HaShem.” His gaze has landed on the unmistakable hoodie next to the body. Tears burn in the back of his eyes.

“He actually might be dead.”

\---

Bee turns to him as he stares at the results from the crime lab. “He's still alive, Finn,” she says, voice strong.

He turns to look at his thirteen-and-a-half-year-old stepdaughter. His hands tremble slightly against the paper, but to his gratitude she's not looking at it. Instead, she's looking at him. Her purple shifter eyes glitter. “Why do you say that?” He asks, voice cracking.

“They just found the hoodie. It says the body was unidentifiable. There's a good possibility that the body isn't Pa.”

Finn swallows. “You're too smart for your own good,” he says.

She cracks a fragile smile. “You’d know.”

\---

At the funeral, Finn holds his stepdaughter’s hand. They make quite the odd pairing, her in a stiff black dress that Rey bought, hair pulled up in twists, and him in the dark grey suit he last wore to Leia’s funeral, back when she faked her death five years ago.

Murmurs of _orphan_ and _widower_ circle, and Bee squeezes Finn's hand.

“Don't listen to them,” She says, voice fierce despite the tears painting her cheeks. “Pa's alive.”

Finn nods. “Of course,” he says, and isn’t ashamed of the fact that a thirteen-year-old is keeping him from breaking down.

Their rabbi prays an _El Maleh Rachamim,_ and they follow along without conviction in their voices.

\---

A week later, Bee packs a backpack full of stuff- her laptop, chargers, a photo album, clothes, and a small stuffed bear. She sticks her phone and earbuds in her coat pocket and grabs all the money from her piggy bank- about sixty bucks, from birthdays and such. She has a few hundred more in the bank account her mother insisted she start a few years ago.

She holds back tears. Two parents gone in as many years. Momma from a car crash, and Pa from...well, she doesn’t know. All she has left is Finn, and she’s sure he won’t want her now that their only connection is well and truly gone.

She heads down the stairs, intent on sneaking out tonight.

 

Finn catches her in the kitchen. He’d been unable to sleep (once again), and he’d decided to _fuck it_ and just read a book with a mug of coffee. He hadn’t expected this- his stepdaughter, a backpack on her back and a nervous look on her face.

Finn's heart breaks. “Where are you going, Bee?”

She won't look him in the eye. “Everyone says Pa's dead. You don't have a reason to keep me.”

Finn squats down next to the thirteen-year-old.

“You're not just Poe's daughter, you're _my_ stepdaughter, Bee. Of course I won't leave you.”

He holds out his shaking arms, offering a hug. His step daughter stares at him for just a moment before squeezing tight her eyes and stepping into his arms. He holds her as she cries.

(When will this be able to stop? When will they be able to stop crying all the time, stop breaking down every other month?)

\---

(" _We'll have to alternate long cases,” Finn says, “Or at least somehow bargain a deal with Will to watch Bee along with Ian when we're gone overnight.”_

_“Sounds like a place to start,” Poe says. “And why don't we also complete the paperwork to assign you as her legal guardian.”_

_Finn bites back a protest regarding his unworthiness for the position and instead nods. “Of course.”_

_Poe grins. “Thanks, pretty boy.”_

_“Anything for my lovely husband and stepdaughter.)_

\---

“They're replacing Pa, aren't they?” Bee asks, a disgusted tone to her voice. Finn's just told her about Juan Gomez being hired at the Agency.

He wants to say no, but he recognizes the truth in her statement. The team can’t survive a man down. Years ago, when Stephanie had to fake her death, they replaced her with Agent Cheryl Hopkins from the Bureau until Stephanie was able to return and tell them the truth about what happened.

“They have to,” Finn says, trying to justify it, but he can’t quite pull it off. He feels some of the same resentment Bee does- Poe has just disappeared. He’s not dead. He’ll come back soon, he knows it.

Bee purses her lips. “No one can replace Pa.”

“No they can’t,” Finn agrees.

\---

Sometimes the anxiety attacks get really bad, and Rey or Jessika will come and take Bee shopping or to the library.

Sometimes Bee won’t call them. She will stay, and wait, and watch as Finn's hands shake and his breathing quickens. She will sit with him, a book cracked open, and read until his breathing slows and his heartbeat manages to work itself down to a gentle thump.

“You shouldn't have to do this,” he'll gasp when he's done.

She shrugs. “I don't mind.” She holds up _All The Souls Between Us_ , careful to keep her thumb on her page. “I got twenty five pages read and you got the comfort of another human being.” She smiles. “Sounds like a good deal to me.”

He nods. “But still, you're just fourteen. You shouldn’t have to be the adult.”

She grins, exposing a single crooked tooth. “Trust me, Finn, I’m still a kid. I’m just one who had to grow up kind of quickly.”

\---

“I'll take a job closer to you,” Finn says one night at dinner.

Bee pauses eating her spaghetti to look at him, brow creased. “But you love your job at the Agency.”

“With your father gone, I can't be away from home on long cases like we sometimes have been. I can't rely on Uncle Will for everything. So, in order to take better care of you, you know, have dinner together and go to your school stuff and the like, I’ll work at Bartleby College.”

Bee’s eyes go wide. “We'll still be able to see Aunt Jessika and Aunt Rey and all the rest of the family, right?”

Finn smiles at her, though there is something fragile about the motion. “Of course, Bee.”

Bee nods. “Then I'm good.” She grins. “I'll be able to see you more often, then. That'll be fun.”

“Yes, it will.”

\---

“Dr. Skywalker,” The Dean of the School of Supernatural Studies says, shaking his hand vigorously, “We're ecstatic to have someone of your caliber on our faculty staff.”

“Dameron-Skywalker,” Finn corrects automatically, but smiles. “And I'm excited to be joining your staff.”

Dean Tomas seems to be nearly dying of anticipation as she blurts, “Now, I must ask. Your previous job was as an agent in one one of the most elite supernatural investigative agencies in the country, correct?” He nods. “You caught serial killers on a regular basis. I must ask why you decided to trade in such an adrenaline-filled job for a job teaching students, as bright as they may be.”

“To be perfectly honest, my husband is gone,” he says, and she makes the appropriate sympathetic frown. “And my step daughter needs some stability in her life. It'll be good for both of us for me to work stable hours closer to home.” He smiles. “And besides, I always enjoyed my guest lecturing jobs.”

“I'm sorry for your loss,” She says, but then brightens. “Well, let me show you around. I guarantee you’ll love the facilities.”

He smiles. “I’m sure I will.”

\---

Life continues on, a little darker and dimmer than before.

(How can it be bright without the love of Finn’s life?)

\---

Bee gives him a handwritten schedule one afternoon. “For back-to-school night,” she says.

“Back To School Night?” he squeaks. He’s never been before, not to Bee’s and certainly not his own.

“You don’t have to go,” she says, but he squares his shoulders and shakes his head. He’s going to be the best damn stepfather anyone could ask for.

"Oh no,” he says, “Trust me, I’m definitely going.”

Bee rolls her eyes at his over dramatics. “Have fun,” she says.

He deflates slightly, moment of bravado passed. By HaShem, he’s going to have to figure out how these things work.

Well, he’s pretty good at adapting, right?

\---

Finn makes sure to show up at least fifteen minutes early to the first room on Back to School Night. Makes a good impression and all, you know.

“Um, hello, Mrs. Tano?” Finn introduces himself to Bee’s first block History teacher, shaking her hand. He's anxious to make a good impression. “I'm Dr. Finn Dameron-Skywalker. It’s very nice to meet you.”

She looks him up and down, eyebrow raised. “If you don't mind me saying, you're a bit young to be a parent of a ninth grader, especially if you're a doctor as well.”

“I'm Bee Walker’s legal guardian. Her mother died a couple of years ago, and she moved in with her biological father, who was my...slightly older husband. He disappeared earlier this year and I assumed legal guardianship.” He gives her what he hopes translates as a sincere smile. “This is my first Back to School Night ever. I was giving a guest lecture at Bartleby College last year, which is where I now teach in the school of Supernatural Studies.” When she raises an eyebrow, he rushes to explain. “I have two Doctorates, one in Psychology and the other in Anthropology, and two Bachelor's degrees in Demography and Population Studies and Genetics, all in Supernatural Studies concentrations. I used to work for the Agency with her father, but after he disappeared I took a place of employment closer to her and-” His heart sinks as he realizes that he's botching his first impression. “Ma'am, I'm sorry for all of this, but I’m just trying to be a good stepfather for Bee. She deserves as many people who care about her in her life as possible.”

Finally Mrs. Tano smiles. “Bee’s lucky to have someone in her life who's as dedicated as you. I'm glad that, despite the circumstances, you’re trying your best.”

Finn breathes a sigh of relief and smiles. “Thank you. Now, how should I do this…?”

She smiles. “Let me help you. What class does she have second block on odd days?”

"English with Mr. Rex.”

She raises an eyebrow. “You don’t need to check the schedule she wrote for you?”

“Eidetic memory, ma’am.”

She still looks like she doesn’t quite believe him, but she goes along with it. “Alright, then. Mr. Rex is right down the hallway, on the left. Room 121. Next?”


	2. never wanted anything from you

“You want to go to your Gran's for Christmas?” Finn asks one night at dinner.

Bee’s brow furrows. “Grandma’s in a hospital in Washington, Finn,” She says, voice a bit confused as if she doesn’t get why he doesn’t remember. “There’s kinda no point to visit her if it’s gonna be just the three of us.”

Finn raises an eyebrow. “I meant your Dad's mother,” he says. “We always go to their house at Christmas.”

“I didn't know that,” Bee says, and her voice wobbles. “This is only my second Christmas with you.”

Finn stands from his seat across the table and moves to the one right next to her. He doesn't know what he's doing. He's never been a parent before, or even an older brother. The closest he’s ever come to a sibling relationship is with Rey, and even that doesn’t involve him providing an “older” perspective. He has always been the little one, the youngest in the room. He hasn’t had to take care of a child for longer than a night babysitting for Rey.

(He hasn’t had to make such major decisions for someone he has such responsibility for.)

But now, Poe is gone. There is no buffer between Bee and Finn, no one to help them navigate the divide between stepfather and daughter. They have to do this on their own.

“How about this,” Finn says, “We celebrate Hanukkah here, with Aunt Rey, and then we’ll go to your Gran’s?”

Bee grins. “Sounds good to me. Double the presents, right?” 

Finn smiles, leans forward, and ruffles Bee’s braids. She ducks away. “Not the hair, Finn,” she squeaks, “Do you know how long I had to spend on it?”

“Um, no,” he says. He’s never had a sister. He’s asexual and homoromantic- he’s never had a girlfriend. Even Poe always kept his hair buzzed closed to the skin, so Finn never had to learn the care that Poe took in keeping his hair well-kept.

He frowns. Sounds like he has something new to learn about.

(Well, he’s going to do his best to learn as much as he can.)

\---

Before Bee Walker lost her Momma, she’d never prayed to a G-d, whether Christian, Jewish, pagan, or otherwise. She’d never prayed for blessings to a g-d of her ancestors, recited ritual until the words came from her tongue smoother than the formula for gravity. Savannah Walker was a woman of principle, but not a woman of faith.

A month after she’d come to live with her father, he had brought up the idea of going to synagogue.

At first, the idea had been a strange one. She’d never met a Latina Jew before. But after meeting him, seeing how he'd converted for Finn, it seemed like it wouldn't be all that weird.

Her first services were strange, but welcome. Here, in this place of faith, she found comfort.

Two years later, she will find herself praying to Yahweh for her father's health, steeping her fingers in her house of worship, and it will feel as natural and necessary as breathing.


	3. happiness, hit her like a train on a track

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, it looks like these two chapters were uploaded out of order!

Bee walks into the kitchen around midnight, hoping to grab a snack, and finds Finn sitting at the table, lights from a video reflecting in the lenses of his glasses. She hears a familiar voice on the video and raises an eyebrow. “Is that-?”

Finn startles and shuts the lid to his computer. His cheeks are fire engine red with embarrassment, and he looks like a kid caught with their hand in the candy jar. “Nothing!”

She can't contain her smile. “Were you just looking up modern hairstyles?”

He nods sheepishly. “Um, yes. I wanted to research the topic so I could properly help out if you needed it. So far I've cleared videos on the general history of popular female American hairstyles, and then more specific how-tos on braids, perms, waves, and bobs.” He looks up at her hair. “I know you prefer braids, but I just wanted to be prepared I know I'm definitely not the expert in this area-" and she giggles, because it's definitely true. “-so I wanted to be able to help if you needed it. You _did_ mention how much work it took to keep your hair done, and, you know, I’d be remiss if I didn’t try and do my part.”

Despite the hilarity of the situation, this definitely means a lot to Bee. Finn's trying his best to help her, to learn more about her. “Thank you,” she says.

His brow furrows. “For what?”

“For caring.”

His expression softens. “Of course I care.”

She swallows. “You don't have to.”

He holds out his arms. “C’mere, Bee,” he says, and with a bit of nervousness she obliges. He stands up and wraps her in a hug. “I’m your stepfather, Bee,” he says, “I want to do anything I can to help you, to make you comfortable. Just say the word- within reason, of course- and I will try to get it for you.”

“I want a telescope.”

He pauses, and then, after a moment of thought, says, “That can probably be arranged. A small one, affordable-”

She mutters into his shirt: “A Keck Telescope.”

He peels back from the hug. “A _Keck_ Telescope? Bee, there are only two of those in the _whole_ world-” He cuts off when he sees her grin and sees that she’s laughing. “Oh, c’mon.”

“The look on your face,” she laughs. “Priceless.”

“And this is the thanks I get?”

“Get used to it.”

\---

The first time Bee’s new friend Frankie (shifter of the Northern variety) meets Finn is at her science fair the winter of her freshman year.

“Are you adopted?” Frankie asks, looking at the man standing near Bee’s trifold, staring intently at her research paper. (The title of her experiment, incidentally, had been the Effect of Different Supernatural Venoms on the Rate of Growth of Houseplants. Finn has been all too happy to help get her supplies.)

Maria rolls her eyes. She’s been Bee’s best friend since Bee first transferred into their middle school in seventh grade. She’s been over a few times, has met Finn and even knew Poe for a little while. “ _Idiota._ ”

“No,” Bee says a bit more diplomatically. “Finn's my stepfather.”

He raises an eyebrow and looks around. “Then where's your mom?”

“He was married to my father, and my father's gone,” Bee says.

Frankie's face falls. “I'm sorry.”

She shrugs. “It's been a little while.”

He gives her a smile. “Well, if you want a parent to complain about then you can always come over to my house.”

The joke is kinda bad, but Bee appreciates it. It feels normal, almost. She likes feeling normal, especially when she knows that she's about as far from normal as you can get.

“And you can always borrow Finn if you need a paper corrected,” she offers in return.

Frankie’s grin widens. “Deal.”

\---

Finn accepts that Poe is dead much sooner in this universe. There is no call from a sister-in-law, no grandson of a teammate to babysit. There is no pregnancy, no teammate with a dead sister.

There is just his stepdaughter, who has already watched her mother die. Her father is gone, and Finn is the only one she has left. He cannot fail her.

Finn has to be strong for his stepdaughter, and being hung up over his husband won't allow him that. He needs to be present for her.

So, Poe is dead, and that is that.

\---

Life goes on. It has to, in the end.

\---

“Bee!” comes a shout from the kitchen. Bee sets down her chromebook, shuts the lid, and heads out of her room and into the kitchen. There she finds Finn with a host of baking products lined up on the counter.

“Here,” Finn says, “Let's bake something.”

Bee looks at the laptop set up on the counter. “YouTube again?”

Finn blushes, but he nods. “Thought it would be nice.”

Bee thinks at what she has planned for the day, which is, as usual, nothing. She shrugs. “Alright.”

Finn grins. “Any suggestions for what we make?”

“My mom used to make cheese biscuits,” Bee suggests, “And I kind of miss ‘em. I haven’t had any in years.”

“Then it sounds like that’ll be what we make,” Finn declares.

 

“We really should have thought through the fact that neither of us can bake before we did this,” Bee says, when after a half hour she has flour up and down her jeans and t-shirt. Finn isn’t faring much better, with sugar dusting his slacks and butter smeared on his glasses.

Finn laughs as he takes in her flour-soaked appearance. “You look ridiculous, biscuit,” he says.

She pauses giggling for a moment. “Biscuit?” she asks, testing out the unfamiliar nickname.

Finn stops laughing, an anxious look coming over his face. “That okay with you?”

Bee pauses for a moment, thinking, then bursts out a: “Yep.”

“Good,” Finn says, and lobs a dash of flour at Bee’s shirt.


	4. run fast for your mother (run fast for your father)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Contains refernces to Coco (2017) with all the glee of someone who fell in love with a masterpiece of a movie.

Bee’s demeanor changes for a time during freshman year.

 

“How was your day, biscuit?” Finn asks one day when he picks her up from the bus stop.

She looks up at her stepfather and purses her lips. She doesn't want to burden him with the harsh words of the kids at school. She knows they're idiots. She knows they don’t know what they’re talking about.

“My day was great.”

\---

Bee and Finn look nothing alike. Finn is a man of medium stature and a slightly muscular build, both traits due to the genes of his asshat father. His features are a bit square, his glasses framing warm dark eyes that he got from his mother. He’s black.

He wears glasses and patch-elbowed blazers, and can more often than not be found in sweater vests and slacks

(Bee playfully teases him for looking like a nerd, to which he responds “I’m a professor, Biscuit, I’m just dressing for the job.”

To which she replies: “I’ve seen photos of you from the past, well, however many years you’ve lived, as well as having lived with you for two years before you became a professor. Finn, you’ve always looked like a nerd.”)

Bee, on the other hand, is a beanpole of a girl. Her skin is a light tan (lighter than Poe's was, from what she can see from photographs) and her hair is a dark brown, constantly kept in braids to deal with it better. She tends to wear a lot of jeans and t-shirts, but loves certain accessories. She hates shopping generally, but when it comes to jackets and shoes she tends to go a bit wild. She has everything from her prized orange biker jacket (from her Pa) to her camel shawl to her green pea coat.

And of course, there's the fact that he is very obviously human, with his lack of physical extraordinariness, while she is obviously supernatural, from her purple shifter eyes (courtesy of her mother) to her slightly pointed ears to the hints of amber in her skin and hair (thanks for the g-d blessing, Dad). That sets them apart even further in the eyes of strangers.

(There are, however, some things that Bee and Finn are similar on, but none of these things are skin shallow.

They both love to read and debate, although on slightly different subjects (for Finn, Psychology and anything Humanities related. For Bee, anything science or literature related. Everyone asks her how the two mesh, but Finn gets it. Supernatural Creatures and Psychology don't exactly go together at first glance either.

They both share an unhealthy love of mac & cheese, as well as anything written by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle and Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie. Both of them share the guilty pleasure of crime dramas, which leads to Friday night Law & Order marathons.)

All in all, they work well enough as a family.

\---

_Prude. Wetback. Hellspawn._

_Dad's a fag._

_(And Daddy left you, didn't he?)_

It gets harder for Bee to make it through the day. She has Frankie and Maria, and she thanks HaShem for her friends, but it feels like everyone hates her.

“Don't listen to them,” Frankie says, “They're ignorant idiots. They don't know shit.”

Maria nods. “Bigoted fuckers are idiotas- not worth a role as the villain on a telenovela.”

Bee laughs, feeling a weight ease from her chest. “Your parents still watch those?”

Maria nods. “Every day. Mamá can’t wait to see what happens with Miguel and Coco, and Papa is livid that Hector was revealed as Miguel’s father.”

“So am I,” Frankie nearly shouts, sticking an indignant finger in the air. “For _three seasons_ Miguel has been teased as actually Ernesto’s bastard son, but _no_ , he’s just an actually legitimate heir to the fortune. What. The. Fuck?”

Bee laughs and Frankie and Maria get embroiled in yet another spat about that telenovela Maria’s family yanked Frankie into the first time he was invited over.

\---

Things come to a head when some idiot shoves her up against a locker as they're walking past. A gasp of pain escapes her mouth as her binder jams into her back.

The senior glares at her. “Lilith’s Bitch,” he spits, and she wants to correct him- sirens are said to be descended from Lilith, not shifters- but a frisson of fear is building in her and she doesn’t think she can.

Later, her friends turn their tune on the whole matter.

“Tell Finn,” Maria orders. “This isn't just words. Bee, you could get seriously hurt!”

Frankie nods. “Bee, if you don’t tell Finn, then who _knows_ what Boba Fett will do to you?”

Bee swallows. “I’ll tell him this afternoon.”

Her best friends deflate. “Bien,” Maria says.

\---

“Finn,” she says as soon as she gets in the car, “I need to tell you something.”

Her stepdad glances at her- not long, as it would be unsafe to take his eyes off of the road, but long enough that he can give her a reassuring look. “You can tell me anything.”

She swallows, braces herself. “There's this guy at my school. Name's Boba. A senior, he’s been shoving me around, calling me names and stuff like that. Making cracks at my race- both supernatural and otherwise- and about your marriage. I didn’t want to tell you because the slurs were easy to manage, but he shoved me up against a locker today and I realized I’d have to tell you.”

Finn immediately takes her hand in his, taking frequent glances at her. “You okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine, but I probably won’t be if this goes on for much longer.”

“Then I’m going to call your teachers and your principal. Stuff like that shouldn’t be allowed. That boy will be taken care of accordingly.” Finn takes a deep breath, nostrils flaring. Bee’s never seen him get actually angry before, and recognizing the signs in Finn are a bit strange. “And that kid should be glad that I’m not your father and I never passed the Agency’s physical tests, so I can’t _actually_ beat him up.”

“You wouldn’t beat up a kid, though,” Bee says, suddenly very afraid for Boba’s safety. She doesn’t like him, not by any stretch of the imagination, but she knows that her dad knows a centuries old vampire trained in combat skills and a part-dragon with fire powers. “Right?”

“If they were a serial killer that we had to take down on the job,” Finn says, “Probably. But some dipshit of a bully at school? Even if he hurts my daughter?” He deflates. “Probably not, no matter how much he may deserve it.”

“Good,” Bee says with a bit of a sigh.

“Did you think I would actually beat up that kid?” Finn asks.

“No,” she says, because her thoughts about Aunt Leia and Aunt Rey were her own. She knows that Finn’s first thought is not towards anger, or towards retaliation- he’s doesn’t think like that.

“Thank HaShem,” Finn says. “I never want to be _that_ guy.”

\---

The next day, while Bee is off at school, Finn takes his lunch break to visit Poe's grave. He stops at Costco along the way, picks up a bouquet, and takes it to the graveyard. He stops in front of Poe’s grave.

“I remember when I first fell in love with you,” he starts, speech halting. He hasn’t done this yet. He’s prayed for Poe’s soul, cried over grief, but he hasn’t confronted Poe’s headstone.

“We had just finished a case in New Orleans. It was a serial killer- a vampire named Harrison Jacobsen, I do believe- and we ended up in a movie theatre with Jessika and Ezra Bridger (remember him, Poe?) watching a horror movie with lots of jump scares. You fell asleep during it- you were _that_ tired- and afterwards Jessika was complaining about how she hadn’t expected a movie with that title to be a slasher flick.

You were walking with me, arm in arm, but when Jessika started to cry about the cruelty of humanity and everything, you whispered a quick apology before separating our arms and going to comfort your best friend. And I remember thinking: _Here is a man who will always make others his constant priority. A man who is always kind, no matter the detriment to himself._

When you helped me through my detox a few months later, I remembered this moment, and I realized that I loved you. I realized that as long as I had you, I would always have someone to take care of me just as I have always tried to give all I can to others.

But you're gone, and so I've learned to fix myself. Bee has helped a hell of a lot. She kept me from falling, Poe, and for that I will never be able to thank her enough. She didn't even have to pull me up out of the abyss- just staying there by my side, she kept me sane.

She's fucking amazing, far more than I could ever be. I never thought I could love someone if you died, but I love her. She is so strong, and so brilliant, and I am _so proud_ to be her stepfather.

I just hope she keeps on loving me while I fix myself, so that I can be strong for her. Because she shouldn’t _have_ to be strong. She’s my child. She lost both parents, and I'm all she has now. I want to be what she deserves. I'm so proud of her, and I want her to be proud of me too.”

“So, Poe,” he says, and finally lays down the flowers against the headstone. “This is me telling you that even when you’re dead, even when you’re gone, I’m trying to make you proud. I hope that whatever kind of life comes next, whatever afterlife you are living in now, you’re looking back on us and smiling.”

He rubs at the _mizpah_ pendant with his other hand and smiles. “I love you, Poe, no matter what worlds separate us.”

\---

When Bee enters the hallways after fifth period, Boba is nowhere to be found. Looks like Dad kept his promise. (Not that she doubted him, but…)

A gleeful Frankie informs her that Boba got called out of Spanish 3. “The Principal came over the announcements, called him out of class, and he hasn’t been seen since,” he crows. “ _Illegitimi non carborundum_ , Bee, they all get called out in the end.”

“That’s Latin, Frankie, not Spanish,” Maria corrects, but she’s wearing the same grin that he is. “And bastardized Latin at that.”

“Besides the point,” Frankie waves it off.

“And the point is?” Bee asks, stuffing her chromebook in her bookbag.

“That the bastard’s gone!” Frankie shouts, and Bee and Maria loudly _shh_ him. “Well,” he continues, slightly quieter, “He is. There ain’t no way we’re seeing that dick again anytime soon.”

Bee lets out a laugh as she slings her backpack over her shoulder. She _is_ relieved. Boba was putting a lot of stress on her life that she _really_ didn’t need. With him gone, she can finally concentrate on the things and people that _do_ matter.

“You guys coming over this weekend?” She asks, and Maria nods.

“We haven’t gotten to see Finn in ages,” she says. “I’ve been lacking in my randomly provided factoids.”

“It’s been literally two weeks,” Bee says.

“Like I said,” Maria says, “Lacking.”

\---

“I visited your father's grave today,” Finn says, and Bee’s fork pauses on its way to her mouth. “And told him how proud I was of you.”

She lowers her fork slightly. “Really?”

Finn nods.

“Thanks, then,” she says, and takes a bite. “And thanks for calling school and dealing with that...problem.”

“It was no problem,” Finn says. Then, after a moment of thought, he says: “And I’m happy to do it. Just like I told you months ago, anything I can do to make your life easier, to protect you, I will. I’m your stepfather, Bee.”

She nods. “Got it.”

He smiles. “Good.”


	5. leave all your love and your longing behind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The warnings have been updated for this chapter!

Bee and Finn still dream of Poe sometimes (Finn more than Bee, to be honest, but he had eleven years where she had one and a half).

 

Bee dreams of a trip to the amusement park, of riding the tallest roller coaster while her father screams at her side. She dreams of Finn greeting them with ice cream, and smiles on all of their faces.

She smiles in her sleep. These are good memories. These are the few starpricks of the past that she can clutch to her chest, holding them all the way until the days when all she remembers of her Pa are these beautiful feelings.

 

Finn, on the other hand, can't sleep one night when he wakes up from a dream and realizes that he's forgotten the exact color of Poe's eyes.

It's a slap to the face to realize that he's slowly been forgetting. He hasn't noticed it, as focused on Bee as he is, but he realizes that he has forgotten the scent of Poe's skin, the sound of his voice, the feeling of Poe's skin against his.

The memories have been slowly slipping from his mind like flour through a sieve.

He swallows, the sour taste of sleep heavy in his mouth.

\---

His memories do not go out with a bang. They disappear, little by little, escaping away to wherever lost loves go.

His world does not end. It just goes on.

\---

Just when they have finally, _finally_ , settled into their “normal” lives, the Agency intrudes.

They’re cleaning up from dinner when a man bursts into the kitchen through the side door. Instantly Finn is up and out of his seat, moving to stand in front of his daughter. He curses the fact that his gun (unused for three years) is kept in a drawer under his bed. Back when he was on the job- back when Poe was still around- they always kept at least one of their guns at them at all times due to the threat of criminals due to the job.

Bee is smart enough ( _Baruch HaShem_ ) to stay quiet behind him.

“What do you want?” He asks, trying to keep his voice calm so he doesn't provoke the man.

The man brandishes the gun in front of their faces, pointing the barrel right between Finn's eyes. “You Finn Skywalker?” He growls, and Finn nods. If he'd been on his own he might have risked lying, but he has Bee to worry about. The man gestures with the gun. “Into the living room.”

Finn grabs Bee’s hand and immediately complies. He knows that it would be too foolish to pull any abrupt movements.

The man’s grip on the gun doesn’t waver. “I don't give a shit ‘bout you, ya pussy. I only care about your connection to Jessika Pava, my girlfriend.”

Hold the phone- Jess doesn't have a boyfriend. Finn nearly groans despite the seriousness of the situation. He'd thought that he'd been through with stalkers by this point.

“Where is she?” the man demands.

“She’s on a case,” he says, knowing full well she’s not. “She’s at headquarters, working on the technical analysis of a spate of murders in Kansas. Satanic killings.”

The man growls, but he’s not threatening them anymore, so that must be satisfying him at least a little bit. He points the gun at the two of them. Oh, fuck, nevermind. “Where’s the restroom?” he barks.

“Down the hall,” Finn answers, and the man gestures with the gun. He pushes them back into the restroom and doorknob _clicks_ as he locks it from the outside. Then his footsteps echo, walking away from the door, and Finn can finally breathe again.

 

Finn waits a few minutes for the man to get out of their house before busting out his old tricks. Picking the lock isn’t too hard- one learns a number of unsavoury things growing up in the International District in Seattle- and soon enough they’re out of the bathroom.

Bee immediately turns to him. “Finn,” she says, “We've got to keep him from getting to Aunt Jess.”

Finn blinks. His daughter just had her life threatened by an armed thug and is only focused on keeping others safe.

“He has a gun, Biscuit,” Finn starts, but she interrupts him.

“Doesn't matter. We've got to go save Aunt Jess! That guy’s unhinged and he has a gun- if he gets to her, who knows what he’ll do?”

He doesn't know whether to be proud by her selflessness or worried by her brazenness. Probably a bit of both, to be honest, but they can work through that tomorrow. First, to protect Jess- then, to deal with Bee's sudden heroic tendencies.

He makes a decision. For the first time since he switched jobs, he’s going back into the field. He heads to his room to grab his gun. “Call Leia, tell her to go to Jess', then call 911. No one's on case right now, she should be free. I'll grab my gun and head over to Jess'.” He grabs his gun from the drawer under his bed. “You got it?” She nods. He holsters his gun and then looks at her. “And please, by HaShem, _don’t_ come running after me or put yourself in any kind of danger.”

There’s a pained look on her face, but she nods. “Just come back safe, okay?” She looks actually nervous now, false bravado gone.

“I promise,” Finn says.

\---

Finn steps up to Jessika’s house. There are no unfamiliar cars in the driveway, so he should be safe to go in. He parks on the street and then heads up the sidewalk, pulling his key out of his pocket. He unlocks the door and heads in, trying to be quiet in case the stalker has already gotten here.

“Jess?” Finn calls out into the dim house, withdrawing his gun from its holster. There are no lights on in the house, which is strange in itself. Jessika is normally up into the wee hours of the morning, alternating between working cases and blasting undeserving schmucks on her Xbox.

At first he gets no response, but then he hears the pounding of footsteps and the man bursts into the room. Finn raises his gun as the man roars, “I _told_ you not to interfere!” Finn hears two gunshots. He sees the man start to go down at the moment that an explosion rips through his torso. He falls to the ground and sees Jessika running over to him, fingers dialling at the phone.

He used to be used to this agony, but he hasn't been shot since before Poe's disappearance. He feels like he’s being rent in two. His vision begins to darken, the world splintering before his eyes.

“ _Dioses_ , Boy Wonder, don't die,” Jess says, pressing into his side in a way that lights up his vision, “You _can’t_ fucking die on me, Finn. You're all Bee has left.” She is crying, he realizes, each falling tear a glittering jewel.

The world goes dark, and Finn feels no more.

\---

When Finn awakens in the hospital, the doctor informs him that, “Your daughter's a hero. Her 911 call saved your life.”

When Finn glances down and sees the bullet wound in his abdomen, he kind of has to agree.

 

When Bee comes into the room a few minutes later, Finn can see the tear tracks on her cheeks. He swallows. He never meant to make her worry.

“I’m sorry-” he starts just at the same time as Bee says the same thing.

They both cut off, giggling wetly.

“How about I go first?” Finn offers. “I’m sorry for making you worry. I’m not sorry for going in there, for taking down Aunt Jess’ stalker, but I never meant to get shot, to make you worry.”

“And I’m sorry for being so reckless,” Bee says. “I guess I was just trying to be like you guys.”

“You guys?”

“You and dad,” Bee says, and sniffles. “You're my hero, Finn,” she says, “And I can't lose you.”

 _And,_ Finn realizes, _I can’t lose her._

“Biscuit,” Finn cuts her off, “Would you like it if I officially adopted you?”

Bee’s jaw drops. “Really?”

“You could officially be a Skywalker if you wanted, though if you want to keep your last name, or even become a Dameron-Skywalker instead, that's of course fine too.”

She stares at him, and he can't read her. He doesn’t feel too bad- he’s exhausted, a bullethole in his side- but he waist, breath bated, for her answer.

Then she darts forward and wraps him in a fierce hug. “By HaShem, yes please,” she says as his arms rise to hug her back. “I want you to adopt me. I want to be your daughter. Officially.”

\---

The corner of Leia’s lips lifts as Finn comes in to give his witness statement. “Thought you weren’t up to working cases anymore,” she teases.

“When it comes to my family?” Finn says, “I’m up to anything. Even if it’s just, you know, giving a witness statement.”

Leia smirks. “Glad to see you back, then, even if it’s only for the one case.”

Finn looks around at the HQ he spent eleven years of his life practically living at. He misses it, but he wouldn’t go back for anything. “Not so much here.” Then he turns back to Leia. “When this is over, you should come over for dinner. Bee hasn’t seen her Aunt Leia in months.”

Leia’s smirk turns into a genuine smile. “I’d love that.”

“Then see you Friday night? You could join us for some Law & Order.”

Leia actually chuckles. “Sounds like fun.”

 

It’s rather strange, sitting down in the chair he hasn’t occupied in three years. He’s gotten used to a single cushioned office chair at a rectangular, oaken desk in his office at the College. Sitting around the circular debriefing table, in the plastic swivel chairs that only ever get used for half an hour at a time, gives him a weird feeling. This place sits uneasily in his gut in a way it never did when he still worked here.

His hands skate anxiously across the armrests of the chair as he waits for the rest of the team to enter. It’s been years since he was last here in the briefing room, absorbing the facts of a case, and years and _years_ before that since he joined the team. The years in between- some of the most insane, most grisly and adrenaline-soaked of his life- had been a trip, especially for the kid who had spent his life from thirteen to this job in college classrooms.

 _Maybe I was too young,_ he thinks, _I never had a chance to have a normal life._

This, with Bee, is probably the closest life to normal that Finn has ever had, during or before his career at the Agency. Growing up the lonely black Jewish kid, the genius freak, the frigid fag, had not lent to any chance at normal.

Now, though- neither he nor Bee is normal, and neither is their family, but this is as close of a chance that he’ll think he’ll ever get.

(And he kind of has to thank the Agency for that. If not for the eleven years he spent here, he wouldn’t have met Poe or fallen in love with him, much less adopted his daughter. He wouldn’t have been able to meet Rey and Jessika, Obi-Wan and Leia.)

“Kiddo,” booms Obi-Wan, and Finn glances up from the spot on the wall he’d accidentally been staring at for the last few minutes.

Finn smiles. “Obi-Wan! I haven’t seen you in a month, two weeks, three days, four hours, and three minutes.”

Obi-Wan grins as he heads forward to Finn’s side. Finn stands and offers a hand to shake, but Obi-Wan pulls him into a hug instead. Finn doesn’t even have to warn Obi-Wan about his gunshot wound- Obi-Wan specifically doesn’t squeeze too hard. “Wish this had been under better circumstances,” Obi-Wan says.

“Me too,” Finn says. “Getting shot is not necessarily something I’d like to repeat.”

“I’m going to have to agree with that,” Obi-Wan says with a sympathetic grimace. Then he smiles. “But let’s not talk about that just yet. Don’t you have a lovely daughter you can update me on?”

“Bee’s doing quite well,” Finn says, “She has Straight As in everything except Calc. The science fair is in a month and her experiment is on the effect of the full moon on the behavioral patterns of traditionally nocturnal Supernaturals, specifically shifters, vamps, and sirens. She’s worked rather hard on it, and I’m really proud of her for everything that she’s gotten done so far. I’m sure she’ll win the grand prize this year as she came home with second place last year, when she was only a freshman.”

“You just can’t help but brag, can you?” Obi-Wan says

“She’s my only daughter,” Finn says, “I’m somewhat obligated to brag.”

Obi-Wan stares at Finn for one calculating moment before smiling. “You’re really a parent now.”

Finn shrugs helplessly. “What can I say? Bee was too easy to love.”

“You’re not grieving anymore.”

Finn’s smile slides away, a familiar ache returning to his chest. “I’m still grieving, I’m just not letting it take over my every waking moment. I’ll always miss Poe, but I’m not going to let myself wallow over his death. Bee deserves for her parent to focus on her.”

“Good,” Obi-Wan says. “She really does-”

The door opens and in come Leia, Rey, Jess, and the newbies- Snap Jameson and Dr. Rose Tran. Rey and Jess immediately gun across the room to squeeze Finn in a hug, and greetings abound all around.

Finn takes a moment to breathe it all in. This place may no longer be his home, but these people are his family. With them and Bee, the loss of Poe doesn’t seem as bad. With them, he forgets that he’s lost.


	6. washed it away down the kitchen sink

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You guys are lucky I really want to post the sequel so I'm uploading this story quickly.

Bee comes to Finn one day. “I think I'm bi, Finn.”

For a moment Finn looks at her, remembering the first time he heard that Poe was bi- an overheard conversation a few months into the job, during which Jess had teased Poe for a date with an Enrique falling through. Finn had been startled, assuming that Poe was straight, what with the way he flirted through many females on their cases.

( _“I thought you were straight, Dameron,” Finn asks, confused._

_“Poe? Straight?” Jess laughs. “As if.”_

_“I'm bi, Skywalker,” Poe says. “A bit of a preference for girls, but fully attracted to both genders.”_

Huh. _)_

He remembers the “coming out” conversation on a case a year and a half later.

_(Finn bites his lip nervously. “Have you ever heard of a thing called asexuality?”_

_Poe raises an eyebrow at the seemingly random question. “Of course I have. It’s when someone has no sexual feelings or desires- oh.” He stops and stares at Finn, who nods._

_“Yeah. I fall into a category that’s labeled as asexual homoromantic. That means-”_

_“You like boys, but have no sexual interest in them,” Poe finishes._

_Finn nods, sensing his chance at his second crush (and best friend) slipping away. A bit disappointing, considering that he actually had some sort of reciprocation of failings this time. Oh, well- at least he’ll have work to concentrate on this time. “I know that you were most likely expecting something else, and I’m sorry to leave you disappointed-”_

_“I don’t care, pretty boy,” Poe says, and it seems like he’s as surprised as Finn is to hear himself say it. “I mean, I’m as sexually active as the next guy, but if that’s not what you want, then that’s not what’s gonna happen. I’m not into you just because of the possibility of sex, Skywalker.”)_

He smiles. “Looks like the apple doesn't fall too far from the tree.”

Bee cracks a smile. “Just like Pa?”

Finn nods. “I’m sure he’d be proud to here you’re carrying the colors just like he did.”

Then Finn realizes- oh, shit.

“The Talk will be interesting,” Finn says, blushing. How is it that he is a parent and a talk about sex makes him blush like a teenager? “As I have absolutely no sexual experience.” He shrugs. “Well, this will be an adventure we can go through together.”

She keeps ahead of him. “Let me guess." She ticks each item off of one of her fingers as she lists them. “Use protection, don't get STDs, and don't get pregnant.”

Finn blushes- he's never truly gotten over his awkwardness around discussions of sex, at least involving friends and family.  “I was actually going to give you dating advice.”

She smiles crookedly. “Really?”

“Yeah, and it goes about like this: Date a boy who stares at you like you're the sun itself. Date a girl who makes you laugh as much, if not more than, she makes you cry. Date someone who won't use your heart as a punching bag. Date a boy who listens to your music and your hobbies and doesn't insult your love of either. Date a girl who respects you and your boundaries. And, above all, date someone you love and who loves you back.”

Bee swallows. She doesn't ask much about her fathers’ relationship, preferring instead to think only about the present. Some memories hurt too much to think about, to dwell on. She’s pretty sure- at least from what she’s seen of Finn’s nightmares, of his anxiety attacks- that the same is true for him as well.

And yet…

“Is that what you did with Pa?”

Finn nods. “Your father was a wonderful man who definitely had his flaws, don't get me wrong, but always treated me with respect and love even when I was freaking out on him.” Finn’s smile is distant, his gaze fixed on some long-ago memory. “We were told, once, by a friend that she was jealous of us, that she wanted ‘someone who looks at her the way the two of us look at each other- like you’re looking at the most precious thing in the world.’”

Bee smiles fondly. “That’s so sweet-”

Finn grins crookedly. “And I do look forward to intimidating any and all partners you bring home. Now that I am officially your parent, I claim parent-child privileges.”

Bee rolls my eyes. “As soon as you become my parent you show your true colors as an annoying adult. I thought I could trust you, Finn.”

Finn shakes his head, smiling wickedly. “Never, biscuit.” Then, a short pause, until: “But also, please try not to get pregnant. I do not need to be a grandfather at the ripe old age of thirty eight.”

Bee’s cheeks darken. “Trust me- there’s no need to worry about that.”

“Good.”

\---

When Bee brings her first boyfriend home, Finn is delighted to find that Ralph’s mothers are agents at ESCAPE, a small investigative agency focused here in Richmond. A dragon (full dragon, spectacularly- he didn’t know any of them still existed) and a Grim Reaper, the women are an interracial couple who love their son dearly. Ralph himself is a delightful kid, and Finn will be fine with him hanging out around the apartment like Maria and Frankie do.

He excuses himself to the kitchen at the commercial break (introducing Law & Order- the original version, the _good_ one- to everyone Bee brings home is great fun for him) in order to grab a drink. Seconds later, Bee follows him in, cup in hand.

“The apple _really_ doesn't fall far from the tree,” he teases her as she goes to grab a soda from the fridge. “Does it?”

She rolls her eyes and elbows him. “Shut up, Dad.”

He raises an eyebrow, and next to him she freezes. “Are you sure you meant to say that?” He asks, giving her an easy out.

Instead, she shakes her head. “You're my dad, Finn. You're the one who comes to my science fairs and my parent teacher conferences, the one who drives me to work and my friends’ houses. You're the one who came to my poem reading at the talent show and the one who stayed up til one in the morning helping me edit my essay for the Governor's School application. You're the one who helped me get through Pa's disappearance and death.” Her fingers clench slightly around her glass. “Pa's gone, and you're here, and you've _been_ here. You're my dad.”

By this point Finn has tears in his eyes. “I never thought-" He stumbles over his words, and he has to swallow to continue speaking. “I never expected to have kids. I never thought I'd ever be a proper Dad. I'm ace, Biscuit, you know that, and I always thought that meant I'd never be a parent. But then _you_ came along, and you changed everything. I know that sounds cliche, but it’s true, I swear.  I've thought of you as my daughter for years now, and it’s the best possible thing I can think of.”

Finn holds out his arms for a hug and Bee gratefully accepts the offer. “I love you, Dad,” she says, and he has to try and hold back tears. He never thought he’d have this- not as a teenager, not when he married Poe, not when Poe disappeared.

“I love you too, Biscuit,” he says into her hair.

Then, ruining the moment:

“Guys!” Ralph calls from the living room, “The commercial’s almost over!”

“Coming!” Bee shouts, grabs her drink, and exits. Finn follows a moment behind, a smile on his lips.

_“Dad.”_

He can definitely get used to this.

\---

“You could start dating again,” Bee suggests one night while they're watching reruns of the original _Law & Order. _Tonight's episode involves a case in which a the most likely culprit seems to be a witch who caught her husband cheating on her, thus leading to their divorce. A year later, the husband's body turned up dead and she is the main suspect.

(Bee's pretty sure that plot twist will be that the culprit is actually the witch's brother, a Normie who resents her magic, and he is trying to frame her.)

Finn raises an eyebrow. “Why would I do that?” He gestures to the TV, her and the popcorn. “I've got all of this. Why would I give up Friday night _Law & Order _marathons for some guy?”

His tone is a bit off, though, and she calls him out on it. “You still miss him, don't you?”

Finn sighs. “He's the love of my life, biscuit. I spent nine years in a relationship of some sort with him, and two before that as just friends. It's hard to give that up.”

He gives her a smile. “And besides, you know me. I don't form romantic attachments quickly. I've only had, what, maybe two serious crushes in my life? One of them crushed me, and the other I married.” He gives her a crooked smile. “I don't even think I know how to date, even if I wanted to.”

“Online dating?” Bee offers. “Sure you could find someone there.”

“Nah,” Finn says, “You're more than enough for me, Biscuit. And besides, what do the kids say nowadays?” He snaps his fingers. “Dad don't need no man.”

A laugh bursts out of Bee at the sight of her complete _nerd_ of a dad (seriously- the man wears patch-elbowed blazers and recently traded in contacts for the glasses hs used to wear years before she was born) trying to act cool.

He smiles. “What, Biscuit, too ‘hip’ for you?”

“Dad, I'm pretty sure you weren't hip back when _you_ were in high school.”

“Well, I was nine years old my freshman year, so I'd have to agree.”

Her dad is even smarter than she is, an absolute and certifiable genius, but sometimes she forgets _just_ how smart he is. He acts like such a nerd sometimes just like her, goes to Comic-Con, watches Law & Order- she forgets that he’s far more than just a typical nerd. She forgets that while she may be smart, her Dad was a child prodigy who earned two doctorates before age 23.

(Way to put things into perspective, right?)

\---

“I'm going to head out to the club for a night,” Finn says. It’s a spontaneous decision, a spur-of-the-moment idea. It has to be, for Finn to go through with it. He isn’t a spontaneous person. He is a Friday night Law & Order marathons and 8:00 a.m. classes and every-other-week dinners with his friends. He is a _go with the flow_ kind of person. He isn’t the _spur of the moment_ kind of guy.

Bee grins. “That’s my Dad, getting his game on.”

Finn nudges her in the arm. “Stop that.”   

 

Bee presses a kiss to Finn's cheek before he heads out. “Good luck, Dad.”

He hugs her. “You too, Biscuit. Have fun at Maria's.”

 

Finn heads out to the LGBT+ friendly bar downtown. He hasn't been in over six years, since before Bee arrived. He and Poe used to go with the team, used to dance. Years and years ago, when they had first started dating, Finn hadn't been the most comfortable with his body. (He still isn't, fourteen years later.) Poe had spent the first few club visits alternating sitting at a table with Finn, drinking and laughing, and dancing with Jess and Rey. Then, in later visits, Finn had gotten more and more comfortable in their relationship and himself. He’d graduated from sitting at the counter to sometimes joining Poe dancing to spending much of the night on the dance floor.

And now, without Poe- he doesn’t know what he’ll do. Will he dance? Will he drink and flirt with some guy?

  


Finn sits at the counter, slowly sipping a beer he hasn't tasted in ages. He doesn't plan on finishing it, not even close- he has to drive home- but the tiniest of a buzz is taking the edge off of his nerves.

A man sits down at the counter next to Finn. He is rather different from Poe, with pale skin, brown hair pulled into a braid at the nape of his neck, and a clean-shaven face. His irises are red- a vampire, then.

“Come ‘ere often?” the man asks, and his Southern accent is thick. Not surprising, considering they live in Richmond, Virginia, but still a little jarring.

“Not really,” Finn answers, completely honest.

Braid Guy grins. “That's a pity- you're quite the looker.” He offers out a hand. “Name’s Anakin Kenobi.”

“Dr. Finn Skywalker,” Finn says, shaking the man's hand.

“Ooh, a doctor?” Anakin asks, waffling an eyebrow as he takes a sip of his beer. “Impressive.”

Finn's heart stops.

This isn't cheating, exactly, as Poe is dead, but there is something about this that makes him taste sour. What he told Bee a month ago about him dating is true- he can't do it properly. He has no idea how to ask a man out, how to

He practically stumbled into his relationship with Poe, with a misunderstood compliment, a coming out, and an awkward kiss. After that everything had flowed so naturally, with Poe and Finn transferring from best friends to boyfriends to fiances and eventually husbands so easily. There had been no flirting to lead into it, no “wooing” period- just that airplane kiss.

This falls close to the generally understood perception of “flirting.” A compliment, a smile- everything that he and Poe used to do so easily.

(Everything he never wanted to share with someone other than Poe.)

He remembers why he told Bee that he didn’t want to date anyone. There are plenty of people who find happiness after their spouse has died, who are able to move on, but he is not one of them. He has Bee, and his students at the College, and that is enough for him.

“I-I have to go,” He stutters, "I’m sorry.” He drops a few bills on the counter before grabbing his blazer off of the back of his chair, turning, and bolting out of the club. He feels sorry for Connor, but not enough to stay.

He races out to his car, feeling almost like he's stumbling over his feet.

 

Once he's seated in the driver's seat, buckled in, his hands rise to the steering wheel. He grips the wheel with both hands, knuckles turning white with the force of his grasp. He drops his head to the wheel, trying to measure his breathing.

 _Not a anxiety attack,_ Finn thinks, _I've been good for so long-_

It doesn't work.

(It never does.)

 

( _“Everyone cheats on their spouses,” the suspect says. A vampire by the name of Jacob Grievous, Leia is interrogating him for the death of his husband's mistress. “The grass is always greener- the blood is always richer- on the other side.”_

_Rey snorts behind the one-way mirror. “The grass is always greener? Not likely.” She looks to Finn. “How ‘bout you?” She asks, a bit of a crooked smile crossing her lips._

_“Nah,” Finn says, “I'm perfectly happy with where I am, with who I'm with. To paraphrase from our disturbing culprit, the grass is definitely green where I am.”)_


	7. can't carry it with you if you want to survive

Bee and Finn go to Poe's grave on the anniversary of his funeral.

“To be honest,” Finn admits to her and to Poe's grave, “This isn't the happy ending I pictured six years ago. This isn't how I imagined my life six years on from our wedding- you dead, and me a single father.” He pauses, pushes past the lump in his throat. “That I would end up living the rest of my life without you, Poe- this was never supposed to be the story. This was never supposed to be the way our story ended. Every day I am hit by the fact that the vow- “‘til death do us part-" only lasted two years. And it  _ hurts _ .”

Bee takes his hand in hers but does nothing to stop him from speaking, so he continues. “But I'm okay, Poe. I'm living without you, and though it's not as good as if you had been here, I have learned to love it. I love Bee, our daughter-" and she smiles at him, so he smiles back for a moment before looking back to the grave. “I love our friends, and my books, and my job. I love my students, and our home, and Friday night Law & Order marathons.” He swallows. “I will love you forever, Poe, even though I won't be able to spend my life with you. I hope that whatever afterlife you ended up in you enjoy.”

He is hit by another graveyard, a lifetime and states away, as Bee leans her head on his shoulder. He remembers doing the same to Poe after a particularly hard case in which one of the cops they'd been working with had been shot. After the funeral they'd lingered for a few minutes. Poe had been feeling guilty as he'd been there when the cop had gotten shot, and Finn had been knee deep in a pixie dust addiction so he'd been just trying to hold it together.

_ (“You good?” Finn asks. _

_ “Just thinking,” Poe says. “We know what it's like to grow up without a father.” _

_ "Their father died a hero,” Finn says, trying to reassure Poe. _

_ “Mine did too. Doesn't make it any easier.” _

_ Finn feels a bit dizzy, so he leans his head on Poe's shoulder. It's kind of nice, actually, to be able to be a bit vulnerable like this with another person, especially someone he feels like this toward. _

_ (And someone who, for the first time, feels the same way back.) _

_ A moment later Finn feels Poe's arm around his shoulders and a kiss being pressed to his hair. _

_ "You know," Finn says, "The circumstances of a father leaving rarely changes the fact that he's gone.") _

Finn swallows. It's been so long since those days, back in the beginning of their relationship, when everything had felt so fragile and fresh and raw. He felt something like it when he and Bee had started a parent-child relationship, had tried to start something new. 

“Pa,” Bee says once Finn has paused for a bit too long, “I'm sorry I didn't get to spend very much time with you. I obviously don't know you as well as Dad does, but I remember how kind you were, how much you loved your job, loved Dad, and loved me. I want to thank you for marrying Dad. I wouldn't have gotten him as a Dad without you.”

"And I never would have gotten a Bee,” Finn says with a smile.

\---

Sometimes, when Finn looks at Bee and Ralph, he wonders at what he feels.

It's not envy, not quite...okay, maybe it is some variant. He is not jealous of her having a boyfriend, but he is somewhat envious of having a person you can hold that close, feel romantic with. 

It’s been at least four years since Poe died, and Finn misses him  _ so badly.  _

\---

For her eighteenth birthday, Bee wishes for her dad to be happy. He deserves a happily-ever-after after years of grief and loss.

(Well, she also wishes for a win at the science fair this year, but that's a less altruistic dream so she'll just stick to the first one.)


	8. struck from a great height by someone who should know better than that

Finn is in the middle of his 10:00 Advanced Supernatural Psychology class when his phone rings. He pauses for a minute, as everyone he knows knows not to call him during class, but then he recognizes it as Rey’s- and she’s on a case right now- so it must be an emergency. He swipes left and holds the phone to his ear.

"Finn,” she says, and her voice is worried. “You've got to come to Kansas, _as soon as possible._ ”

He raises an eyebrow. “Why? I have a class right now and shopping for Bee’s prom dress tonight. I can't exactly go all the way to _Kansas_ on a Friday night-”

“It's an emergency. About Poe.” She immediately has his full attention, though he's not sure she's not gone half insane- “He's alive.”

Finn drops the phone. His breath lodges in his throat, like Napoleon under a Russian snowdrift.

“Professor Skywalker?” One of the girls in the front row asks. “Are you okay?”

He reaches over, almost robotic in his motions, and picks the phone back up. “What?” He rasps, moving over to lean against his desk.

“He was kidnapped, Finn.” She sounds like she's crying but all he feels is numb. “He just escaped and called us, asking for a Dr. Finn Dameron-Skywalker. He's got amnesia. All he remembers is your name and something about a Walker.”

Walker- Bee’s last name, before he adopted her.  Oh HaShem, _Bee_. She's at school right now, with no idea that her father's alive. Poe's alive. The love of his life is _alive_.

“You said you spoke to him on the phone- Have you found him yet?”

“No, not yet, though we sent Obi-Wan and Tiana to go and bring him to HQ. The plan is to wait until you get here to talk to him about his past.”

“Okay. We’ll grab the soonest possible flight and be there.”

“Get here soon, Finn.”

“Of course.”

\---

Finn arrives at Bee's school and he has no idea how he made it this far.

He vaguely remembers calling ahead to tell the principal that he'd be picking Bee up, that there had been a family emergency. He doesn’t remember how he got here, how he managed not to crash the car along the way.

He steps out of the car, feeling like lead has been poured into his loafers. He feels like he is splintering, like the world is crashing in.

He takes a breath. He has to hold on for Bee. He cannot break, if only for his daughter's sake.

“Bee Skywalker?” He asks the secretary at the front desk, and she points to the chair at the far end of the office.

Bee stands up from the plastic seat she'd been sitting in, expression is anxious. “What's going on, Dad? Is everyone okay?”

 _Dad_ \- he didn't think it was possible, but his heart breaks again. He's her dad, but her father is alive.

(Alive, alive, _alive_ \- the word tastes like ambrosia. He feels like a starving man suddenly given food, like a dying man given breath. Poe _isn't dead,_  isn't lying cremated in a grave.)

He swallows, takes a breath, then speaks. “It's about your father.”

She frowns, expression shifting to one of confusion. “My father? He's dead-"

It bursts out. “He's _not_.” Her hand flies to her mouth and his shock breaks. He starts to breathe quickly, the edge of an anxiety attack rising. “Oh HaShem, he's not dead, Biscuit.”

She seems to be having the same trouble controlling her emotions. “Pa's _alive_?” she gasps.

It feels like he's speaking through cotton. “Rey called me at work,” he manages to say. “Kansas City. They got a call from him. He has amnesia. They don't know much else.” He's stumbling over his words, and for once in his life he doesn't know what he's talking about, but-

“But he's alive, and we're heading to Kansas City.”

Bee steps forward and wraps him in a hug. He pulls her in, tears falling into her curls as she tucks her head under his chin. Her body shudders against his as sobs wrack her body.

“Pa's not dead,” she says, sobbing into his shoulder. “He's alive. Baruch HaShem, my father’s alive.”

He's her dad, and he reaches out a hand to wipe away the tears from her cheeks. Her father, his husband, is alive, and they are about to see him for the first time since before his funeral.

_Baruch HaShem, Baruch HaShem, Baruch HaShem._

Principal Gibbins walks up, a box of tissues in his hand.

Finn takes it gratefully. “Thank you,” he says.

“You’re welcome, Mr. Skywalker,” he says before walking back to his office, and it says something about Bee’s state of mind that she doesn’t automatically correct him with a _Doctor Skywalker, not Mr. Skywalker_.

“Dad,” Bee sobs, “Pa’s _alive."_


End file.
